Praising God in the Messy

Life is messy. And painful.
Sometimes everything ugly.
Let's be honest. There are days your hair's a big ball of "what's even happening?", the eggs have burned, you can't find your keys, ran out of gas, are late for work, and forgot your lunch at home on the counter.

Here's the thing. We all have messiness that weighs heavy on our hearts, whether today you are wrestling with depression or anxiety, battling relational or financial stress, or even if you just spilled your Starbucks latte on your new pants.
Life. It's messy. (Can I get an "amen!"?)

So what do we do about this messiness? How do we confront it? Or do we?
Wallowing in pain certainly doesn't remedy a messy heart; neither, though, does stuffing it to stifle its clutch.

I began to press into these questions shortly after I became a Christian five years ago, seeking answers largely in the perspectives of other believers. I distinctly remember a cloudy, damp Sunday morning after church that I briefly mentioned these questions and my struggles to a Christian I knew as we waited for the bus at the terminal. I was told that to feel lonely, rejected, fearful, and insecure is to not trust in Jesus, and ultimately, to live selfishly.
And you know what? It made perfect sense to me.
So I adopted this perspective.
Lived it.
Breathed it.

Liv, don't feel lonely because you weren't invited, that would be selfish and untrusting.
Liv, don't feel hurt that the store manager brought you a plus size dress, that would be selfish and untrusting.
Liv, don't feel pain that people around you are suffering, that would be selfish and untrusting.
And then, in what has been the hardest moment of my life to this point, Liv, don't feel crippling, jarring, threatening fear as you lay in the hospital, that would be selfish and untrusting.

You see, I had adopted this 'dismissal of the messy' and everything it entails--sorrow, grief, insecurity, anxiety, depression, doubt, loneliness--as the dutiful responsibility of the Christian. I smiled through the gritted teeth of a burdened heart for what I believed to be the sake of trusting in and praising Jesus.
Dan reminded me last week of something I'd said when we first started dating three years ago. I had told him it was 'improper' to share of my struggles, weaknesses, and trials with others; that to point to Christ's love is possible onlywhen we speak of the goodness and blessing in our lives.

And then, somewhat subtly, somewhat drastically, God changed my heart. Deeply. I began to realize that deep pain yields deep praise; that broken suffering produces wholesome restoration.
And here I am today, heart changed & mind set on declaring Jesus' goodness inthe trial.

In the pain. In the suffering. In the fire.

Because here's the thing.
It did hurt when I wasn't invited.
It did hurt when that store manager brought me to the plus size section.
It did hurt when those I loved suffered.
And it definitely did hurt when I was hit by a car; in fact, it hurt in every last crevice pain could seep into. (You can read about my experience of being hit by a car and spending several months in the hospital this year here: http://www.livmiddlemiss.com/january-23-2016/)

And so we find ourselves a crossroads, right at the point where the call to praise and rejoice in God in all things intersects with the reality of the painful messiness of broken hearts.

And here is what I now know.
Joy is the rooted, bold, daring, non-circumstantial, non-hindering confidence that Jesus is who he says he is. It is the declaration of victory in Christ over the brokenness of our hearts. It is the rising song of hopeful endurance, drowning out the shouting lies muttering defeat and impossibility. It is the invitation for the audaciousness of Christ's love to permeate our circumstance.

Do you see? This is the only way to not fall victim to our pain, slain in our fears.
Joyous praise, the kind that God speaks over us, doesn't falter under the weight of a messy relationship, bank account, or heart. In fact, it thrives and strengthens in its testing, because it always proves true and never falls short.
Jesus is the steadfast, powerful, loving, and gracious King who sits on the throne of victory. As He is unchanging, so are His promises. Available they are today for the grabbing and claiming over our lives, regardless of how bright or bleak they may seem.

Sometimes this doesn't come with a smile on your face. Or an unburdened heart. Or, actually, a poise in any sense.
But it is in these moments--praising God in the messy--that we can wholeheartedly embrace our messiness so we can in turn surrender it to Jesus and receive His wholeness in its place.
Let's be messy together, running alongside one another straight for the Cross.
Latte stained pants & all.

Love,
One messy heart to another.